I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
