Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
