I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's get the cat blown out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
