I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
