I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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