I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
