maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i drank out of a bidet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
