If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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