She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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