i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
