dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
