there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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