Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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