I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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