My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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