we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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