I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
