my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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