Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
