i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
