You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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