Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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