I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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