I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
