i need an iv and a liver transplant
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
