I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
time to smoke my breakfast
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
