One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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