He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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