im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
