mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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