Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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