I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
