She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
