You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
