You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
