Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
