she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
