I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
