I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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