wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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