I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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