Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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