You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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