Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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