Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
