some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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