Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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