No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
