I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
