so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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