using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
