you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
tell me about the eggs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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