Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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