Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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